I Wish I Could Have Said Something

Today I was doing some research for the Admin Law Review and came across a database of newspapers. On a whim I looked up some newspaper articles about a friend who had shot this guy. It was the trial i was supposed to testify at. The trial at which I was threatened. His lawyer wanted to call me as a character witness. I didn't even know what that meant back then. All I knew was that they said they would kill me/us if we testified. His lawyer wanted these two prep school graduates, these two college freshman to testify. She wanted these outstanding citizens to testify to how they were friends with the shooter. We were 18 and scared for our lives.

She never asked us our version of what happened. Never realized that we held the key to the self defense claim that she was using for her client. She never even believed her own client's version of the events of 12/29/92. The detectives never asked either. It really wasn't their place though. But I didn't know he was getting railroaded. After the event, I wasn't allowed to read the newspaper. I wasn't really allowed to watch the news. If I did I would've known. I would've heard that the prosecutor was saying that i was with him, when the victim innocently said hi to me and that my friend.. a monster.... lashed out and viciously killed him. If I had known I would have told someone. I would've told them that as i sat at the table the victim came up to me and made lude comments. I would have said that as my friend walked past he said something to me. I would have mentioned how the victim chased after my friend and how everyone at the table agreed that the victim had been looking for a fight all night...

But i didn't know and I didn't speak up. And they didn't do their job. And they didn't ask. And now, some 15 yrs later, i feel guilty. But that's the story of my life it seems. Looking back after the fact and wishing i had done something. I don't know if those guys would have really killed us. It wasn't a gamble i wanted to take. I don't know why no one ever asked us what happened. It seems like a simple part of an investigation to talk to witnesses. I don't know why life seemed to speed up so much after that. I don't know so many things... Some things I want the answers to and some I'm trying to let go of. I just want to stop living with so many regrets. I think this may have been my wake up call.

We'll see