**disclaimer**
That should not be taken as a terrorist threat
I'm in a transitional phase in my life and I know it. I'm searching for something new and different. I want to stop spinning my wheels on things that don't mean anything to me and start focusing on making myself happy.
I am inches away from quitting law school. It doesn't make me happy. I know what you're thinking: School, especially law school, is not about being happy. I can admit that, but it shouldn't make me hate every single second of my existence. I should mention that i'm really on the fence with this and i'm not quittting until i have something specific lined up. The truth of the matter is, my prospects for law jobs are slim. I can accept that the large firm thing isn't for me. What I'm struggling with, however, is figuring out what *is* for me.
I had another breakdown last night. Not as bad as the last two but it wasn't good. Thankfully Brian was there to talk me down. I was trying my best to explain what i was feeling and i think i did a good job. I know that there are ppl out there in far worse positions than I am, but my issue is that I can't compare myself to them. I have to be good because I want to be good. i can't become complacent with the idea that someone is worse off. I don't want to be that person who doesn't pay the light bill in order to pay the cable and does the reverse the next month. I'm better than that. There's nothing wrong with struggling when you're trying to find your way, but once you find that, it's time to get on track.
That being said, I'm looking for ways to blow up my life. I know what kind of salary i need to make in order to start paying back my student loans and so i'm looking for that dream job. There's no pressure to it really. I can stick with XM while i hunt. At the same time i'm going to keep pushing forward with law school and law related jobs. Whatever is meant to be will reveal itself. I just know that i have to keep pushing forward until it does.
Showing posts with label Growth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Growth. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Monday, September 3, 2007
I was afraid this would happen
To say i have anxiety issues is truly an understatement. There have been days when leaving the house is just too much for me. I've been prescribed meds for it but i'm even more afraid of becoming one of those ppl that has to take meds to get out of bed everyday for the rest of my life, so usually i just try to push past the issues or just work from home on the days that i can't do it.
The trip this summer was different. I wasn't that person there. I wasn't that scared girl who couldn't/wouldn't leave the house. I think we went out like everyday. And on the days that we didn't go out, it wasn't because of my issues, it was just nothing that we wanted to do. I miss that girl.
From the moment we left San Fran it seems like things started going bad. Perhaps these are just normal things that seem catastrophic to me because i'm looking for reasons to write off DC forever. Whatever the case, I've gone from happy to miserable and it's really affecting me.
A lot of folks are suggesting that I focus on getting out of here. I'm not sure if that's the best approach... well not entirely. See i don't think i need to focus on just getting back to California, I think I need to focus on tying up the loose ends here in DC. The last thing that i want to do is to feel like i hastily ran off from DC and that I just left because i was afraid. When I leave this place, i want it to be because i was ready and not because i was too scared to stay here.
In that vein, we're starting to come up with a financial plan of what it will take to leave. I want to be sure that financially the pieces are in place. I was inspired by a friend this weekend to start to focus more on financial stuff. Vacations and eating out are fun but i'd like to be able to do that in the future too. Remember that fairytale about the squirrels... or was it chimpmunks? and they'd play all day, not heeding the warnings about the winter? That's how i feel. I'm just playing like there's no tomorrow when in reality winter gets closer and closer everyday. I need to prepare.
The trip this summer was different. I wasn't that person there. I wasn't that scared girl who couldn't/wouldn't leave the house. I think we went out like everyday. And on the days that we didn't go out, it wasn't because of my issues, it was just nothing that we wanted to do. I miss that girl.
From the moment we left San Fran it seems like things started going bad. Perhaps these are just normal things that seem catastrophic to me because i'm looking for reasons to write off DC forever. Whatever the case, I've gone from happy to miserable and it's really affecting me.
A lot of folks are suggesting that I focus on getting out of here. I'm not sure if that's the best approach... well not entirely. See i don't think i need to focus on just getting back to California, I think I need to focus on tying up the loose ends here in DC. The last thing that i want to do is to feel like i hastily ran off from DC and that I just left because i was afraid. When I leave this place, i want it to be because i was ready and not because i was too scared to stay here.
In that vein, we're starting to come up with a financial plan of what it will take to leave. I want to be sure that financially the pieces are in place. I was inspired by a friend this weekend to start to focus more on financial stuff. Vacations and eating out are fun but i'd like to be able to do that in the future too. Remember that fairytale about the squirrels... or was it chimpmunks? and they'd play all day, not heeding the warnings about the winter? That's how i feel. I'm just playing like there's no tomorrow when in reality winter gets closer and closer everyday. I need to prepare.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
How mittens lost her gangsta
It's a good thing... i mean kinda. I'm soft now. Well i've always been soft, but it's blatant these days... skirts, makeup, heels... it's all there. It's not all the time, but it's creeping in. Part of it is the heat, the other part is just a general increased comfort with letting my guard down and being vulnerable. There's also more self confidence. I still go thru the ups and downs... but i'm human and i'm learning that even that is ok. I'm growing and it feels great.
And now... a photo that i took yesterday morning... gheyness at it's finest.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Nerves
I am afraid of most things. The short list includes:
- failure
- success
- being alone
- being around people
- being smart
- not being smart enough
- responsibility
- change
- being stagnant
I could go on but i know you get the idea.
In about 2 weeks my life is going to start moving at a very rapid rate. Between travel, work, school, and having company, I am about to be surrounded by a whirlwind of activity. The *smart* thing to do would be to use this time leading up to that to take care of the other things that need to get done and to prepare so that I am not stressed during that time... well, I don't like to do the smart thing. I'm letting too much stuff slide and it needs to stop. It's just been so long since i've been able to go home and just veg out without some "to do" list hanging over my head. And so, rather than use the time to get ahead... I relax.
My thing is, i am an AMAZING planner. My excution, however, is non-existent. That is going to change before December. That's one of the bad habits i need to break. Until I can learn to just do things on my own, I am loading up my Treo and setting daily "goals" for myself to get things done. I know that I can accomplish a ton of shit when i focus, the key is learning to focus.
- failure
- success
- being alone
- being around people
- being smart
- not being smart enough
- responsibility
- change
- being stagnant
I could go on but i know you get the idea.
In about 2 weeks my life is going to start moving at a very rapid rate. Between travel, work, school, and having company, I am about to be surrounded by a whirlwind of activity. The *smart* thing to do would be to use this time leading up to that to take care of the other things that need to get done and to prepare so that I am not stressed during that time... well, I don't like to do the smart thing. I'm letting too much stuff slide and it needs to stop. It's just been so long since i've been able to go home and just veg out without some "to do" list hanging over my head. And so, rather than use the time to get ahead... I relax.
My thing is, i am an AMAZING planner. My excution, however, is non-existent. That is going to change before December. That's one of the bad habits i need to break. Until I can learn to just do things on my own, I am loading up my Treo and setting daily "goals" for myself to get things done. I know that I can accomplish a ton of shit when i focus, the key is learning to focus.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Purging
I have a ton of stuff i need to get rid of.
On my first pass I got rid of people. I shaved approximately 70 people off my buddy lists. I collect people and I need to stop. There are a lot of folks that I talk to just because. Folks that I know don't like me, folks that i don't like. I just talk to them because i feel like it's the "right" thing to do. But it's not. I'm tired of pretending to like people and having them pretend to like me. Not everyone that got the axe off of the buddy list is an "enemy." Some folks I just don't like talking to. Yes, there's a difference between being an enemy and my not enjoying your conversation. Some folks i hadn't spoken to in AGES. Some folks I didn't even know who they were. But yeah... i cut a bunch of folks and really, outside of work, i'm trying to ween myself off of IM anyway. I give far too much access to folks with little to no return.
The next thing i need to purge is fat. I've got wayyyyy too much of that and i need to let a bunch of it go. That's probably gonna be the hardest thing because i'm not really one for exercising.... i'm working on it though (25 days til Jamaica :-\)
I'm also going to have to purge papers. I'm a packrat in training and I need to stop. My mom got a keepsake box from a friend for Mother's Day. I need to get something similar since i like to hang on to ticket stubbs and everything else. But the excess papers need to go. I have NEVER gone back to look at my notes from a class EVER... so why keep them? I'll keep the text books, but the notes? Nope... they gotta go.
The last thing on the current purge list is just all my bad habits. I need to get a lot of my destructive behavior under control because the self sabotoging isn't cute... at. all. I think i'm going to pick one or two to focus on and start moving forward. I'm so tired of being stagnant that it isn't even funny.
On my first pass I got rid of people. I shaved approximately 70 people off my buddy lists. I collect people and I need to stop. There are a lot of folks that I talk to just because. Folks that I know don't like me, folks that i don't like. I just talk to them because i feel like it's the "right" thing to do. But it's not. I'm tired of pretending to like people and having them pretend to like me. Not everyone that got the axe off of the buddy list is an "enemy." Some folks I just don't like talking to. Yes, there's a difference between being an enemy and my not enjoying your conversation. Some folks i hadn't spoken to in AGES. Some folks I didn't even know who they were. But yeah... i cut a bunch of folks and really, outside of work, i'm trying to ween myself off of IM anyway. I give far too much access to folks with little to no return.
The next thing i need to purge is fat. I've got wayyyyy too much of that and i need to let a bunch of it go. That's probably gonna be the hardest thing because i'm not really one for exercising.... i'm working on it though (25 days til Jamaica :-\)
I'm also going to have to purge papers. I'm a packrat in training and I need to stop. My mom got a keepsake box from a friend for Mother's Day. I need to get something similar since i like to hang on to ticket stubbs and everything else. But the excess papers need to go. I have NEVER gone back to look at my notes from a class EVER... so why keep them? I'll keep the text books, but the notes? Nope... they gotta go.
The last thing on the current purge list is just all my bad habits. I need to get a lot of my destructive behavior under control because the self sabotoging isn't cute... at. all. I think i'm going to pick one or two to focus on and start moving forward. I'm so tired of being stagnant that it isn't even funny.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
When "sorry" isn't enough
Sometimes "sorry" doesn't cut it. I mean sometimes it isn't enough to say "I'm sorry." The thing about "sorry" is that the person you say it to doesn't have to accept it and even if they chose to forgive, they don't have to forget. I'm scared that my "sorry" won't be enough this time.
Knowing that I have hurt someone I care about hurts... and that's putting it mildly. Seeing tears fall from that person's eyes makes me physically ill... and all i could do is say "i'm sorry." I couldn't even begin to put into words how much that angers me. I would do anything to be able to reverse those actions and protect the feelings that i so recklessly trampled on... but i can't. All i can say is two words that really don't mean shit. Unfortunately, at this point, I am at a loss. I mean what more can i do? There aren't enough words... there aren't enough ways to express sorry and so, i have to just accept what i did. I have to accept the feeling of complete helplessness and the fact that i can never again make that right.
The thing that hurts the most though is that, i might not ever be able to overcome this. The hurt that lead me to act so foolishly is something i am forced to deal with. That hurt has dulled somewhat, but it's still there. I'm mostly angry... angry that i did something so stupid, angry that i let myself get angry enough to behave so foolishly and angry that i am so helpless to do anything to fix this mess.
I need to find a way to forgive myself for this. From there all i can do is hope and pray that i will be forgiven and that "i'm sorry" can at least be enough to start the healing process.
Knowing that I have hurt someone I care about hurts... and that's putting it mildly. Seeing tears fall from that person's eyes makes me physically ill... and all i could do is say "i'm sorry." I couldn't even begin to put into words how much that angers me. I would do anything to be able to reverse those actions and protect the feelings that i so recklessly trampled on... but i can't. All i can say is two words that really don't mean shit. Unfortunately, at this point, I am at a loss. I mean what more can i do? There aren't enough words... there aren't enough ways to express sorry and so, i have to just accept what i did. I have to accept the feeling of complete helplessness and the fact that i can never again make that right.
The thing that hurts the most though is that, i might not ever be able to overcome this. The hurt that lead me to act so foolishly is something i am forced to deal with. That hurt has dulled somewhat, but it's still there. I'm mostly angry... angry that i did something so stupid, angry that i let myself get angry enough to behave so foolishly and angry that i am so helpless to do anything to fix this mess.
I need to find a way to forgive myself for this. From there all i can do is hope and pray that i will be forgiven and that "i'm sorry" can at least be enough to start the healing process.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Stepping Out
**Disclaimer**
This entry isn't about cheating. If that's what you're looking for, please exit stage left.
Now...
I am socially awkward... or maybe i should say, i can be socially awkward. I don't really do well with small talk and my networking skills are deplorable. I'm good at talking to my friends. I'm good at running my mouth with people i know well. But for the most part i am painfully shy when it comes to unfamiliar situations.
A huge part of getting a job upon graduation will have to do with my ability to network, small talk, initiate convo etc. That scares me. To say i have anxiety issues is probably a gross understatement. Some days I'm not able to leave the house. So imagine trying to force myself to not only leave the house but to throw myself into an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation. It's not something that i look forward to.
I can't even begin to count the number of times i've seen someone that i recognize and i'll go over to say "hello" or something. As soon as they respond i'm ready for the convo to end. So while they're going thru the whole "OMG! I haven't seen you in so long how are you?!" I'm like "well it was good to see you bye!" That makes for a most awkward convo.
I've been trying to force myself into becoming more comfortable in social situations. By forcing myself to go to happy hours, trying to join clubs/organizations, etc., i'm hoping that i can learn to be comfortable in social settings and to gain confidence in my ability to talk to people and carry on conversations. I am also taking a course next semester that will simulate trials. I hope that it will make me feel more comfortable with my public speaking and help me to stop feeling so awkward.
It's hard forcing yourself past your boundaries and making yourself try something new, but i'm workin on it!
This entry isn't about cheating. If that's what you're looking for, please exit stage left.
Now...
I am socially awkward... or maybe i should say, i can be socially awkward. I don't really do well with small talk and my networking skills are deplorable. I'm good at talking to my friends. I'm good at running my mouth with people i know well. But for the most part i am painfully shy when it comes to unfamiliar situations.
A huge part of getting a job upon graduation will have to do with my ability to network, small talk, initiate convo etc. That scares me. To say i have anxiety issues is probably a gross understatement. Some days I'm not able to leave the house. So imagine trying to force myself to not only leave the house but to throw myself into an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation. It's not something that i look forward to.
I can't even begin to count the number of times i've seen someone that i recognize and i'll go over to say "hello" or something. As soon as they respond i'm ready for the convo to end. So while they're going thru the whole "OMG! I haven't seen you in so long how are you?!" I'm like "well it was good to see you bye!" That makes for a most awkward convo.
I've been trying to force myself into becoming more comfortable in social situations. By forcing myself to go to happy hours, trying to join clubs/organizations, etc., i'm hoping that i can learn to be comfortable in social settings and to gain confidence in my ability to talk to people and carry on conversations. I am also taking a course next semester that will simulate trials. I hope that it will make me feel more comfortable with my public speaking and help me to stop feeling so awkward.
It's hard forcing yourself past your boundaries and making yourself try something new, but i'm workin on it!
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
4 down, 4 to go
I took my last exam of the semester last night. I am officially finished with my second year of Law School. I am now officially half way there (i'm a part time student). As gueling as this process is, it isn't as bad as i expected. Well it kinda is... but I'm not suicidal.
I remember when it all started... i didn't know what in the hell to expect. That seems like so damned long ago. I was thinking back to a surprise party that my friends threw for me to celebrate my nerdy accomplishment... the people that were there... I don't talk to more than half of them now. If someone would have told me on that day to look around the table and pick the 4 people i thought i would be cool with three years later, i'm not sure whether i would have guessed correctly. Throughout my life I've been a bit of a friend collector. I liked having lots of "friends" and knowing people. It kinda made me feel important to be able to go somewhere and always see a "friend." Over the last few years though, I've started to move away from that. It's kinda nice to go somewhere and not recognize folks. There's a certain comfort in anonymity... But yeah, here i am three years later. I am a completely different person, and i like it.
So with year #2 behind me I can officially switch gears to my summer plans... getting to catch up with a friend i haven't seen in over a year, going to Jamaica with someone I love dearly, travelling across country on a 6 week adventure... there's just so much for me to look forward to and quite honestly, I deserve every bit of it.
I remember when it all started... i didn't know what in the hell to expect. That seems like so damned long ago. I was thinking back to a surprise party that my friends threw for me to celebrate my nerdy accomplishment... the people that were there... I don't talk to more than half of them now. If someone would have told me on that day to look around the table and pick the 4 people i thought i would be cool with three years later, i'm not sure whether i would have guessed correctly. Throughout my life I've been a bit of a friend collector. I liked having lots of "friends" and knowing people. It kinda made me feel important to be able to go somewhere and always see a "friend." Over the last few years though, I've started to move away from that. It's kinda nice to go somewhere and not recognize folks. There's a certain comfort in anonymity... But yeah, here i am three years later. I am a completely different person, and i like it.
So with year #2 behind me I can officially switch gears to my summer plans... getting to catch up with a friend i haven't seen in over a year, going to Jamaica with someone I love dearly, travelling across country on a 6 week adventure... there's just so much for me to look forward to and quite honestly, I deserve every bit of it.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Man oh Man...
I never thought i'd say it but thank God the weekend is over. I've got a ton of work i need to do on myself. Coming so close to losing something so important taught me a lot about the person i am and the person i want to be. Although i know there will be some issues with readjusting, I'm glad that things are back on track. No more secrets... ever.
On a completely unrelated note, today is my last final as a 2L... yay, bitch. I'm ready for this semester to be OVER. All in all i think i did ok this semester. School is starting to come to me a little bit easier. The goal this summer is to learn all about Admin Law and pick a topic for my paper. Hopefully i'll find something interesting.
I've also decided that after this trip to SF this summer I'm gonna put my hopes of moving out that way on hold for awhile. I think for next summer i'm going to focus my job search on the NY and DC areas only and see where that leads. I'll also be taking the bar in NY... ummm yeah.
Either way, life is ok today. I'm smiling and that's all that matters to me right now.
On a completely unrelated note, today is my last final as a 2L... yay, bitch. I'm ready for this semester to be OVER. All in all i think i did ok this semester. School is starting to come to me a little bit easier. The goal this summer is to learn all about Admin Law and pick a topic for my paper. Hopefully i'll find something interesting.
I've also decided that after this trip to SF this summer I'm gonna put my hopes of moving out that way on hold for awhile. I think for next summer i'm going to focus my job search on the NY and DC areas only and see where that leads. I'll also be taking the bar in NY... ummm yeah.
Either way, life is ok today. I'm smiling and that's all that matters to me right now.
Friday, May 4, 2007
. . .
Breaking trust is fast, building it is slow. © Henry Abbott
Who woulda thought a blog about the NBA could contain such a relevant statement? I lost someone's trust today and i have no one to blame but myself. I honestly can't think of a bigger mistake i've ever made in my life. I wish i could come up with the right words to even describe what i feel (isn't that what blogs are for) but i can't.
The closest i think i've ever come to feeling this bad about something is when my mother called me crying and asking me what was going on with me down in Hampton. She demanded to know why she gave me plenty of money for rent and bills and yet, I was about to be evicted. She wanted to know why my phone was cut off when i had called her twice for money to pay it, both times promising her that i had. She asked if i was on drugs and if someone was doing something to me. I told her i was fine. that i had just bought some things at the mall and that i was sorry.
She didn't believe a word i said. Not a single one. But she sent more money anyway. And one day, i showed up back home with all my stuff. I was 34 pounds lighter than when she had last seen me. I was tired and i was defeated. She NEVER asked me again what was going on. Never. But i had lost her trust. She wouldn't give me money for anything. when i was looking for a job and i asked for gas money or metro fare, she'd give me her gas card or a bus token... no cash. If i was going somewhere she'd nod at my whereabouts and try to verify them upon my return.
Losing her trust has been one of the most painful things that I have ever had to experience. It's been almost ten years to the day that i showed up back at home from school. May 8, 1997, to be exact. History has a way of repeating itself i suppose. Today i realized that i again have lost the trust of someone i care about deeply. I have that same feeling of emptiness and nausea in my stomach. I mean what can you really do? Hope? Pray? Wait? I'm all out of options...
Who woulda thought a blog about the NBA could contain such a relevant statement? I lost someone's trust today and i have no one to blame but myself. I honestly can't think of a bigger mistake i've ever made in my life. I wish i could come up with the right words to even describe what i feel (isn't that what blogs are for) but i can't.
The closest i think i've ever come to feeling this bad about something is when my mother called me crying and asking me what was going on with me down in Hampton. She demanded to know why she gave me plenty of money for rent and bills and yet, I was about to be evicted. She wanted to know why my phone was cut off when i had called her twice for money to pay it, both times promising her that i had. She asked if i was on drugs and if someone was doing something to me. I told her i was fine. that i had just bought some things at the mall and that i was sorry.
She didn't believe a word i said. Not a single one. But she sent more money anyway. And one day, i showed up back home with all my stuff. I was 34 pounds lighter than when she had last seen me. I was tired and i was defeated. She NEVER asked me again what was going on. Never. But i had lost her trust. She wouldn't give me money for anything. when i was looking for a job and i asked for gas money or metro fare, she'd give me her gas card or a bus token... no cash. If i was going somewhere she'd nod at my whereabouts and try to verify them upon my return.
Losing her trust has been one of the most painful things that I have ever had to experience. It's been almost ten years to the day that i showed up back at home from school. May 8, 1997, to be exact. History has a way of repeating itself i suppose. Today i realized that i again have lost the trust of someone i care about deeply. I have that same feeling of emptiness and nausea in my stomach. I mean what can you really do? Hope? Pray? Wait? I'm all out of options...
Monday, April 16, 2007
Thanks, Sam
There been times that I thought I wouldn't last for long
Now think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, along time coming but I know
A change gon' come, oh yes it will...
There is a whirlwind of activity surrounding me right now... passports, court appearances, car maintenance... So much is going on. Between the trips and the divorce, I'm honestly a bit off kilter. I'm stuck between being extra needy to being weepy to being ecstatic to just *being*
My emotions have risen and fallen so much in the last few weeks and I've done my best to keep it all inside. Not because I think it's best, but just because everyone is so busy and quite frankly i don't know what to say. I'm so excited about the future and yet, I'm scared to death. For the first time I feel like I'm controlling my life. It feels extremely liberating and yet, it gets lonely. That's not to say that I don't have people there for me, it's just that sometimes it'd be nice to sit back and ride in the passenger seat for awhile.
Now think I'm able to carry on
It's been a long, along time coming but I know
A change gon' come, oh yes it will...
There is a whirlwind of activity surrounding me right now... passports, court appearances, car maintenance... So much is going on. Between the trips and the divorce, I'm honestly a bit off kilter. I'm stuck between being extra needy to being weepy to being ecstatic to just *being*
My emotions have risen and fallen so much in the last few weeks and I've done my best to keep it all inside. Not because I think it's best, but just because everyone is so busy and quite frankly i don't know what to say. I'm so excited about the future and yet, I'm scared to death. For the first time I feel like I'm controlling my life. It feels extremely liberating and yet, it gets lonely. That's not to say that I don't have people there for me, it's just that sometimes it'd be nice to sit back and ride in the passenger seat for awhile.
Friday, April 13, 2007
*Exhales*
A little over three weeks ago I handed in my entry for the annual short write on competition at my school. As I handed it in, I knew that I had done my absolute best. I had written, edited, revised, rewritten, edited and revised some more. It was honestly my best effort. Today, at 2pm, I got a call that I had been selected for the Administrative Law Review. That's a pretty big deal and I am extremely happy.
When I tried to do this competition before during my first year of school, I didn't make it past the first day. I tried to read the materials, couldn't get focused, couldn't get organized, and just quit. What a difference a couple of years makes. The sense of accomplishment that is associated with this for me is AMAZING. Even though I spent the early part of the day completely freaked out about not making it, I still knew that I had given 100%.
The accomplishment is still a bit bittersweet (aren't they always). My grades are still a little low and could possibly limit my opportunities. But this has shown me what I'm capable of. I spend so much time looking around at the other students and trying to figure out where I fit in. Truth is, I'm right up there with them.
When I tried to do this competition before during my first year of school, I didn't make it past the first day. I tried to read the materials, couldn't get focused, couldn't get organized, and just quit. What a difference a couple of years makes. The sense of accomplishment that is associated with this for me is AMAZING. Even though I spent the early part of the day completely freaked out about not making it, I still knew that I had given 100%.
The accomplishment is still a bit bittersweet (aren't they always). My grades are still a little low and could possibly limit my opportunities. But this has shown me what I'm capable of. I spend so much time looking around at the other students and trying to figure out where I fit in. Truth is, I'm right up there with them.
Saturday, April 7, 2007
God and His Wacky Sense of Humor
When i decided to get back into blogging, i was so glad to be making a change in my life and doing things differently and growing. The idea of things being green is like a rebirth. But last night, it snowed. Things aren't so green right now. I have some issues that I'm still working to fight against a lot of insecurities and issues in my past and sometimes I don't do so well. Last night was one of those nights.I think that sometimes, if you listen carefully and pay close enough attention, you can hear/see God talking to you. I feel like the snow showers were a reminder that even the growth can be temporarily covered up. But once it melts and you see thru it, you can see the growth again.
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