The problem with fortunes, superstitions, etc

so i got that fortune the other day, and i admit to believing fortunes, horoscopes, superstitions, etc when they can be twisted to say what i want them to say. So of course that fortune meant to take a chance and just move to san francisco... this afternoon i got a phone call offering me an spring internship with the government.

that's huge for me. i need that. i mean i had pretty much written off law unless i could work for the government... now here i am with an opportunity to work for the federal govt this spring. i don't know how i could pass up this opportunity... did i mention this is an unpaid internship? There's always a twist isn't there?

The "good" news is that the requirement is only 15 hrs a week. I need to talk to the externship dept at school to see how that will work in terms of getting credit. I also need to see if I will be able to keep my job or perhaps shift to part time. My only concern with asking my job to allow me to go part time or to work something out is that i *know* that once i graduate, i'm leaving. Do i ask for this "favor" knowing that in May I'll (hopefully) be quiting to work in San Fran for the summer? On the one hand i know that i need to do what's best for me, on the other i don't want to create problems for my employer.

i have 20 months to make this all fall into place and i'm pretty scared. hopefully this will all work out and the hard work will pay off.

And another one...

B+

*dances*

I'm just waiting on one more grade. I realized last night that my GPA is never gonna look good on paper. It'll look decent and i'll definitely have a B average of some sort... but i'll never be an A- student. Which i'm actually ok with. Lately I've been doing research on some nontraditional options for after graduation. I never wanted to be the law firm type anyway so i'm ok with that. I think the government route will be for me so that's what I'm focusing on. Hopefully i can find a way to do that and not live in DC.

I'm a bit disappointed in myself. I've made strides in some areas but i'm sitting on my ass in others. Tonight I'm going to go home and get a TON of shit accomplished. I have no choice. I need to find a better way to kick myself in the ass because i've been lacking in that department lately.

It doesn't help that i've been off my meds for awhile too. I need to stop doing that... that's a dangerous game to play. I'm clearly not a doctor so I should probably avoid playing one with my own meds.

My First Grade is In.....

*insert drumroll*

A -

YAY, Bitches!
Sure it was my 2 credit class and sure it was Ethics which is basically learning what to say when asked what one *should* do and sure most people don't really do what's ethical... but so what? My GPA is creepin up!

That was a welcome surprise. I have two more grades that will need to post: Family Law and Evidence. Family Law will probably post soon. Evidence I'm not so sure about. I've been giving a lot of thought lately to what i want to do after graduation. Although the $130,000 starting salary sounds WONDERFUL, i really don't want to follow that path. I want to do something I'm interested in and something that i feel will make a difference. Me sorting through paperwork at some huge law firm isn't my idea of satifying. I'm toying with the idea of pursuing a career as a public defender or perhaps a prosecutor. I had an interesting convo with a guy who prosecutes children. Sounds fucked up, right? I was all ready to be pissed at him, but he was talking about how he has the leeway to decide the types of punishment and how he pushes for rehabilitation for youth. If i had an opportunity to do something like that where i had that much autonomy it might not be so bad.

In the fall I will be taking Administrative Law, Sales and Secured Transactions, and Criminal Trial Advocacy. The last court is all about learning how to try a case. I'm hoping to kill two birds with one stone on that one: 1) See if I really want to be a trial lawyer and 2) Work on speaking up and being more confident. Those three classes equal 9 credit hours and i'll also have office hours for the Admin Law Review. I'm also going to be helping to edit the publication and hopefully be interviewing and trying to do something law related for next summer. Ideally I'd like to quit my current job and start working as a law clerk in the Spring. We'll see where that goes.

Stepping Out

**Disclaimer**
This entry isn't about cheating. If that's what you're looking for, please exit stage left.

Now...
I am socially awkward... or maybe i should say, i can be socially awkward. I don't really do well with small talk and my networking skills are deplorable. I'm good at talking to my friends. I'm good at running my mouth with people i know well. But for the most part i am painfully shy when it comes to unfamiliar situations.

A huge part of getting a job upon graduation will have to do with my ability to network, small talk, initiate convo etc. That scares me. To say i have anxiety issues is probably a gross understatement. Some days I'm not able to leave the house. So imagine trying to force myself to not only leave the house but to throw myself into an uncomfortable and unfamiliar situation. It's not something that i look forward to.

I can't even begin to count the number of times i've seen someone that i recognize and i'll go over to say "hello" or something. As soon as they respond i'm ready for the convo to end. So while they're going thru the whole "OMG! I haven't seen you in so long how are you?!" I'm like "well it was good to see you bye!" That makes for a most awkward convo.

I've been trying to force myself into becoming more comfortable in social situations. By forcing myself to go to happy hours, trying to join clubs/organizations, etc., i'm hoping that i can learn to be comfortable in social settings and to gain confidence in my ability to talk to people and carry on conversations. I am also taking a course next semester that will simulate trials. I hope that it will make me feel more comfortable with my public speaking and help me to stop feeling so awkward.

It's hard forcing yourself past your boundaries and making yourself try something new, but i'm workin on it!

Man oh Man...

I never thought i'd say it but thank God the weekend is over. I've got a ton of work i need to do on myself. Coming so close to losing something so important taught me a lot about the person i am and the person i want to be. Although i know there will be some issues with readjusting, I'm glad that things are back on track. No more secrets... ever.

On a completely unrelated note, today is my last final as a 2L... yay, bitch. I'm ready for this semester to be OVER. All in all i think i did ok this semester. School is starting to come to me a little bit easier. The goal this summer is to learn all about Admin Law and pick a topic for my paper. Hopefully i'll find something interesting.

I've also decided that after this trip to SF this summer I'm gonna put my hopes of moving out that way on hold for awhile. I think for next summer i'm going to focus my job search on the NY and DC areas only and see where that leads. I'll also be taking the bar in NY... ummm yeah.

Either way, life is ok today. I'm smiling and that's all that matters to me right now.

That's the cover of the Administrative Law Review. According to Wikipedia:

The Administrative Law Review (cited to as Admin. L. Rev.) is a law journal officially published by the American Bar Association Section of Administrative Law & Regulatory Practice and American University Washington College of Law. The ALR, which is published quarterly, contains articles, essays, and book reviews by professional legal scholars and practitioners, as well as student-written notes and comments.

Recognized in the legal community as holding title to one of the highest circulation rates of any student-edited journal, the ALR maintains a readership consisting of both private subscriptions and many of the 17,000 members of the American Bar Association Section of Administrative Law & Regulatory Practice.

The ALR is also one of four journals edited by law students at The American University Washington College of Law.

I was selected to be on the staff of this journal. That means that i will be editing and possibly writing for this publication. I'm beyond excited about this. I mean i don't think that i'm going to have a ton of fun editing and writing, but this is a huge deal for me.

I also spent a HUGE part of the day buying things for the trip. Specifically stuff for this monster of a cat. A new carrier, a collar, a name tag, harness, leash... I think i got everything... and of course i overspent. Interestingly enough, this 21 pound cat is too big for any of the cat products. Everything i bought today is for a medium sized dog. I guess he needs to be in the gym with me.

*Exhales*

A little over three weeks ago I handed in my entry for the annual short write on competition at my school. As I handed it in, I knew that I had done my absolute best. I had written, edited, revised, rewritten, edited and revised some more. It was honestly my best effort. Today, at 2pm, I got a call that I had been selected for the Administrative Law Review. That's a pretty big deal and I am extremely happy.

When I tried to do this competition before during my first year of school, I didn't make it past the first day. I tried to read the materials, couldn't get focused, couldn't get organized, and just quit. What a difference a couple of years makes. The sense of accomplishment that is associated with this for me is AMAZING. Even though I spent the early part of the day completely freaked out about not making it, I still knew that I had given 100%.

The accomplishment is still a bit bittersweet (aren't they always). My grades are still a little low and could possibly limit my opportunities. But this has shown me what I'm capable of. I spend so much time looking around at the other students and trying to figure out where I fit in. Truth is, I'm right up there with them.

Finals

It’s almost time for finals. I have a love/hate relationship with finals. On the one hand, studying excites me. I know I’m a nerd… bite me. But it’s like, going thru the material shows me how much I’ve learned. Law School is great because the stuff you learn is relevant (for the most part). You see situations like what you discuss in class everyday and the fact that it’s all so real makes learning… fun.
Finals can be stressful, don’t get me wrong. But for me it’s more of a chance to see what I’ve accomplished and give myself a little pat on the back… Go me! Go me! *does the running man*