I definitely did NOT lose... I won

So I got an email at like 2am informing me that I was selected for an externship this summer in......

(wait for it)




SAN FRANCISCO!!!

Sooooooo.... i'll be spending another summer in beautiful san francisco. I couldn't be happier. I'm drivin across country again. I'm working and living in san fran for 9 weeks... just wow!!!!


Now I just need to find some money. Holler at my paypal if you wanna help a sister out.

What a difference less than 24hrs can make

Life's too short to mope. Shit don't always go the way you want it to... so what. There's a rack of bad shit going on... and yet i'm still alive:

I got rejected for a job this morning. That sucked.
I had to clean up cat vomit today
I spilled red wine on the carpet
I thought I had lost a tupperware container with some food still in it... it was in my trunk
Dropped 4 hair things into the toilet
Put on a shirt and IMMEDIATELY spilled something on it
Got finals comin up and i'm not ready...

i could go on, but what's the point? Bad shit happens. It's a part of life. I could be all stressed out and crazy, or i can keep it moving. *THAT* needs to be my new mantra.

On: Losing

I honestly don't even know why I'm writing this. I couldn't even begin to really say what's on my mind, but rather than climb the walls I needed to get something out.

I don't like to lose and tonight i lost. i'm not saying things are a "game" but i definitely lost... and it hurts, a lot. i'm tired of losing. i want to win, just once.

just. once.

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. For the second year in a row, i'm making Thanksgiving dinner and i couldn't be happier. The menu consists of turkey, garlic mashed potatoes, mac and cheese, apple and celery stuffing (or is it dressing?), corn pudding, greens, rolls, cranberry sauce, and prolly some other stuff i'm forgetting.

One thing i will NOT be having is green bean casserole... that's just not something i've ever had (or wanted to have). I'm convinced it's a white thing... although I've heard that some black ppl make it too :(

I bought my mom some flowers this week. She's ridiculously happy. She calls me everyday to tell me how pretty they look. I'm glad that something so simple could make her so happy. I'm thankful for having such an amazing family. I wish i could do more to keep them happy.

I'm kind of rambling cuz i'm worried about the food in the kitchen so i think i'm bout to bounce.

Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy your family and friends today!

1-0

That's my official record. I can now say I have never lost a case!

I had my criminal trial advocacy final on Saturday. We tried a murder case in front of a jury of high school kids and the defendant was found not guilty *dances a little*

The experience that I got from that class was amazing. But I realized that I still REALLY hate group projects. My group kinda fell apart in the 11th hour. If it wasn't for one other girl in my group I might not have even gone to the final. But that's in the past. I'd never work with half of my group again, but the class was cool.

After my final I spent the rest of the weekend cleaning, spending money and celebrating my victory. I just hope it translates into a good grade.

Dear People Who Don't Speak or Understand English Very Well

*sigh*
So...

I procrastinate and as a result i often mess myself up. I accept that. So my criminal trial advocacy final is tomorrow and I waited until today to try to find someone to alter the pants to my suit... yes, i know i'm an idiot.
At any rate, i get to the cleaners 2 minutes before they open... wait patiently until 730 and enter. My FIRST question "I have a pair of pants that i need altered, can i get this done by this evening?" The woman behind the counter smiled and said "yes". EXCELLENT!
Me: Do you have somewhere that i can go to put these on so that you can mark them.
Her: Yes *smiles*
But she doesn't move...
Me: Ok, where?
Her: Huh?
Me: Where can I put these on?
Her: Yes.
ok we have a problem. So I demonstrate puting the pants on and point to the leg and the pins on the table. She gets it! So she shows me to the back. She pins the pants and i'm ready to bounce.
She says "$13" ok.
Me: I'll pay now because i may have someone else pick them up.
Her: Yes *smiles*
I hand her my card, she swipes it, hands me my receipt.
Her: Monday at 2pm
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Ready Monday 2pm
Me: The first question I asked you when i walked in here was could they be done today
Her: oh. No same day.
Me: ...
Her: Monday?
Me: No. Put the money back on my card please
Her: No.
Me:... No?
Her: Computer has money. Monday?
Me:...................*sigh* I need these pants by 8am tomorrow.
Her: Oh... no same day
Me: I know, please just give me a refund. Cancel the transaction. Give me my money back
Well now she's perplexed because aparently she's never had to operated the credit card machine in that way.
20 minutes later I walked out with the pants and $13 in cash. I then sat in traffic for an hour... it's going to be one of those days.

I thought things were going good

So the end of the semester is upon me. Cramming for finals, thinking about my bday (am I really about to be 32?), making plans for the holiday... this is usually when i get hit the hardest. Everything comes crashing down leaving me anxious and depressed. I thought I was doing good this year. I felt a bit untouchable. I figured out how to keep my job and do my externship. I figured out that even if my loan situation at school doesn't work out, i'll still be able to pay. Things are truly looking up.
But the anxiety is creeping in. The urge to be a recluse is slowly but surely finding it's way back to my brain. It doesn't help that i broke up with my therapist... and by broke up i mean i just stopped going to my appointments. She'll be alright, she knows i don't like confrontation :-\

I'm also becoming increasingly annoyed with just about everyone and everything. I'm tired of ppl in general. Tired of being interviewed for positions i don't get. Tired of feeling like i'm in a rut. I know there's a light somewehre at the end of this tunnel but it's taking long as hell to get there.

ouch

My back is broken

Ok not "broken" but there's a muscle issue. I went to the doctor this morning and after ruling out kidney problems he prescribed me some anti-inflammatory drugs and told me to take it easy. He also repeatedly looked me over and asked me about heart problems, diabetes related issues and told me i need to come in for a physical.

I need to lose weight. The pain i feel and the general unhappiness I've been experiencing would improve exponentially if I did that... so I will... as soon as my back stops hurting...

So some"one" is following me

I don't usually talk about this stuff... and i hate that it's so close to Halloween but it's been bothering me for awhile now and i said i wanted to do more to keep track of these kinds of things.

So ever since i was little i've felt fairly aware of presences. Not necessarily "ghosts" or "spirits" but just a heightened sense of awareness for energy around me. I attribute that to most of why i "hate" people. Too much energy annoys me and the more people i'm around, the harder it is to sort out. If I don't like the energy or vibe that someone gives off, I'm out because I'm too sensitive to it and it'll fuck me up in the long run.

At anyrate someone (or someone's energy) is following me and i don't know who it is. There's a constant presence there and I'm not really sure how i feel about it. It's not uncomfortable but it's not pleasant either. It's just there. I've thought about it alot and i'm not even sure where i picked up this energy. it was there before denver, but not in chicago... but not immediately after chicago.

That narrows it down to like a two and a half day period but i don't think i went anywhere that i wouldn't normally be. I know I probably sound like a damn weirdo and I wish i could make other people feel it. but i guess it's just me. maybe it's me trying to catch up with myself?

I'm not really stressing it for now. It's just one more thing on my mind though. Kinda frustrating but until i figure out who it is and/or what they want, I might just have to deal with it.