The Wrap Up

So...

My bday didn't turn out as bad as I thought. I stuffed my face, saved more than I spent at the mall, stuffed my face some more, and laffed alot. I think I am officially ready to leae 2007 behind. I already know i'm going to break my new years "resolutions" so I'll just think of them as "guidelines". Either way I got some shit i'm tryna change.

Need to shrink my already small circle of friends/acquaintances and just keep a generally low profile. I put up with toooooo much bullshit in '07; I need to change that for '08.

And that concludes my last entry on 2007. I'll be posting something nostalgic whilst nursing a hangover tomorrow I'm sure.

Be safe!

Happy Birthday to Me!!

So... here it is. 32. Wow. To be honest, I don't think that I ever gave much thought to what 32 would be like. When I was younger, my thirties was just so far off and so OLD. But now i realize that i'm just getting started.

Yesterday I went to what is by FAR my favorite family tradition: Birthday parties at Shirley's. I love that we always get together for bdays. There were lots of laffs... some at my expense... but i still had a ball. Afterwards me and B headed to Fogo de Chão. *blink* So ok, I like meat... but *this* place did things to meat I couldn't believe. So flavorful, perfectly cooked, just delicious. Lamb? Ribs? Chicken? I was in heaven. I was full but didn't want to stop eating. Add to that the fact that they made a good ass mojito? I could live there. Sucks that I'm giving up meat for 2008. :-\

Afterwards we headed to a coworker's house to watch the Patriots/Giants game. Pats won and got their perfect season... now hopefully the Skins can pull out a win today and head to the playoffs.

I think we're going to brunch in a few. In addition to it being my bday, 2 yrs ago today a drunk Monica saw B in the club and professed her crush on him. He didn't run away so here we are today. That's the closest thing to an anniversary we have. But yeah.. food... shopping and football. That's today's agenda.

Breakdowns and such

Yesterday was an incredibly up and down day and to be honest I'm still a little confused about what all exactly happened.

I've been feeling fairly blah lately because for the most part my bday weekend has and will be a bust. I take a decent amount of responsibility for that but it just seems like all my plans keep falling thru. It's no secret that I'm ultra sensitive and when you throw in the most important day to me of the year, it can turn ugly quickly.

The day started off decently. I went to work knowing i'd be able to bounce early. I wanted to hit up a happy hour but didn't really have anyone to go with. As I'm heading home, B calls and says he'll hit a happy hour with me... Yay. We head to the spot... good drinks good food then within about 40 minutes B says he's tired and wants to rest before going to work. So we head home and i'm like cool. I'll just take a nap cuz too cuz i'm supposed to get up with a friend that night. I wake up, get dressed and head out to pick up my friend. I get about 7 minutes out and i'm told "nah don't come now, run you other errand first." I'm kinda blown but just figured he wasn't done at work yet. Cool. Head in the complete opposite direction to pick up a package at UPS where i'm the 24th person in line. (sigh)

Sometime during my wait in line I get a message that's essentially like "I guess we're not hanging out tonight"... now... this message is from the same person who tells me i should go ahead and handle my other errand first. So i'm like "you tell me"... no response. Basically I got the extreme brush off move. I know because i've done it. It goes: stall, blame the other person, become unavailable. It seriously took about 2 hours for me to get a definite "no". So essentially I wasted my birthday friday waiting to get stood up. not cute. To add insult to injury, when I finally did get brushed off, the person made it clear that they weren't really interested in my friendship by hurling a totally unnecessary remark my way *blink* word? Cool. So now not only did i get stood up, I lost a friend. Awesome.

I headed home and just decided to do homework. In the midst of texting B to tell him that i had gotten the package from UPS I became (probably unjustifiably) upset at the fact that he seemed completely uninterested in the fact that my day was sucking and that convo disintegrated into an email fight. (sigh)

The saving grace for my friday was an e-convo with a friend of mine who's going thru some stuff right there. I was able to be there for him and lend a shoulder which felt nice. I didn't really get much sleep last night though... and around 6am things just really came to a head. I was angry, hurt about the loss of a friend, and just generally blah... so i cried... hard... and now at noon, my face looks like i cried hard (frown).

I'm hoping today will be better.

I *really* need to stop getting excited for my bday

In all my 32 yrs I don't think I've ever done what I wanted to do on my bday. Having a birthday scrunched in between Christmas and New Years leaves me feeling like more of a hassle than a celebrant on most occassions. For several years in a row I've wanted to go to Jamaica, San Francisco, anyplace,USA, for my birthday but there's always a reason that can't happen. Folks are usually too broke from Christmas or saving up for the "real" fun on NYE to want to spend time with me.

And so, this is how it looks like I'll be spending yet another birthday. Trying to cram my celebration in amongst what people "really" want to do and ultimately, getting lost in the shuffle.

Despite how "woe is me" this sounds that's really not the intent. This is just my reminder to myself to not look forward to 33 or any future bdays.

Time to Move

So it's that time again. In about 3 weeks, i'll be moving to my new apartment. The spoiled part of me is not happy about the move at all. But the logical side realizes that it's a necessary step and that i need to see the bigger picture. I just hate having to move all of my stuff (junk). It's a HUGE hassle. One that I said I would never undertake again... but alas... I must go.

Holiday Spirit

Twas the day before Christmas and all thru the apartment...

There's no Christmas tree here. There are no presents to wrap. No cards were mailed. No cookies were baked. If you look around apt 8?? there's nothing to suggest that there is any holiday right around the corner... much less 24 hrs away. But alas, another Christmas is upon us. Which means, of course, that another birthday is also around the corner. Every year I think I feel less and less in the Christmas spirit.

This year i had hoped that I would be spending tons of money of gifts for Kayla but i just can't ramp myself up to the commercialism that is Christmas. I'd love to give gifts but to see people stressed out and upset because they can't think of what to get is just... tired. I'll be spending time with family this Christmas.

I guess I need to figure out why I'm not big on family either. Perhaps I take it for granted? Not sure but it's something I'd like to get thru sooner rather than later. Either way I'll be glad when this season is over. I'll get another bday under my belt and it'll all be done with.

Hard Work, a Nickname, and Me

Hard Work
So shortly after Monie and 9th Wonder did their interview at XM awhile ago, she and I started texting/talking about trying to get her show on XM. At that point she was fresh out of the gig in Philly and itching to get back to radio somehow. True to form XM dragged their feet. Until she said the magic word (free) and the higher ups finally listened (since we had been saying free all along). At any rate, I set up the meeting and the ball finally started rolling. Fast forward a couple weeks and Monie and her crew come to DC to record the demo show. The show was GREAT and has been given the thumbs up. She has also asked me to book for the show for her if it came to fruition. I am in heaven. The prospect of leaving XM this summer has me a bit nervous because I felt like I would lose my contacts and access to contacts. With this development, however, it seems like I may be able to keep my foot in the door and maybe get back in upon my return. Merger be damned!!

A Nickname
When Filthy gave me this nickname back in '05. I immediately liked it. Now I remember the significance of the name, but i don't know why he was nicknaming me. At any rate, I like it and it stuck... or rather I made it stick. Either way, I like it. I jokingly told BJ that I was gonna push the nickname for about a year because i wanted everyone to know it. I know that probably sounds dumb as hell to most people and i can understand why but at the same time it makes perfect sense. The name does a couple of things. For those who pay close enough attention it provides an immediate look into my character and who i am. For those who are bad at remembering names, its something silly and catchy. It's unique. I apologize if this is sounding arrogant. Unlike the chick in San Fran that I told to google me, I'm not really feeling myself like that... today. I'm just saying that by developing the persona associated with the nickname has allowed me to have something to hide behind and to put out there, without feeling like i'm letting too many people in.

Me
I've changed. I'm not on meds anymore (although I would like to get my hands on some). I'm managing to be more outgoing. I feel more well-adjusted. A lot less like an outcast. I'm taking chances I wouldn't normally take and although I'm a little nervous, I'm not afraid. I've spent the last year and a half working to create a career of sorts for myself. Bringing artists to XM, making my own contacts, putting myself in a position where i can hopefully get back to the music business that i had managed to fall out of love with. I'm also making huge strides in the law school arena, so that if the music-related stuff doesn't pan out, i have something else to do. In 2008 i want to focus on finding a little more direction. It's nice to want to do something music related, but now i want to come up with something definite. All I know is, I'm happy. Happier than I've been in awhile. I'm gonna keep this train moving til it reaches whatever destination it was meant to reach.

Merry Christmas from Me and Little Brother

This interview is pretty damned hilarious. Unfortunately it also reminds me how painfully shy i am and how much i hate the sound of my voice

either way, enjoy
http://proghiphop.com/downloads.html

2007 is almost over

my 32nd bday is *right* around the corner.

2007 has been an amazing year. I've excelled at work, school, life, love, just in general. I'm happy and i honestly enjoy my life. I've worked hard and watched some very important projects come to fruition. I knew i wanted to be make Law Review... did that. I've been trying to get this show on XM for what seems like a million years... it's been greenlighted. I wanted to spend time in San Fran... did it and managed to drive cross country too... Landed two law-related jobs for next year, paid off a significant chunk of debt... it's just a good feeling.

2008 looks like it could be more of the same. 3 semesters left of law school, another summer in san francisco... i dunno... just a lot going on. Now don't get me wrong, I've had some MAJOR stumbling blocks but i ain't dwellin on that shit. It's just too taxing.

I'm realizing that no matter how much i try to deny it, my parents' health is fading. I've been spending a lot of time trying to pull together family records and information because once they're gone so does just about all of my ties to the rest of the family. It bothers me a lot that I'm just realizing how important it is for me to learn more about my family. I used to just think that as long as i had my parents, siblings and their families, it was enough but now i want to know everything. Hopefully I'll be able to pull a bunch of stuff together for them

On: Being Black

Ok, so this isn't gonna be a "deep" blog.
When i was little, I went to school in Georgetown. Our school was pretty diverse but mostly white. So, in a lot of ways I grew up "white". From the way I talked to the music i listened to... to the peroxide i put in my hair... to the mousse that i tried to use for my bangs... white white white.

Now i will say that i thoroughly enjoyed growing up. I was exposed to all types of things so I don't regret it. My issue, however, is with my rhythm... or lack of rhythm.

To be fair, i believe it may be a hereditary condition. My dad doesn't have rhythm and neither does my niece. It's who we are. But it became rather apparent to me last night at the Stones Throw show. There are certain rappers, in my opinion, that make a career out of rhyming slightly off beat... at least i think they are... maybe i just don't hear the best right. At any rate, Madlib is one of those ppl... at least i think he is... it may just be me. Anyway, at various points of the night i would just be offbeat. It made me sad... frustrated and even confused. I dunno why i can't find the beat, but i often find that not being able to do so leads to being told that I'm not "black"

Now I know that a lot of stuff like that is said in jest and I'm cool with it. But there is definitely the notion that true black folks have rhythm... and well I don't. It can be shameful. Back when i used to go to the club like 4 times a week i would be very careful when i danced for fear that i'd get off beat at some point.

Despite my lack of rhythm, i enjoyed last night's show. Madlib, Percee P, Guilty Simpson, MED, and Peanut Butter Wolf all ripped it. I'm really working to get back into music these days. I've been away from it for awhile and I hate that finding music has become such a labor intensive process now, but I want to get back to it so I'll be making an effort.

Life has thrown another curve

So I interviewed with the DA's office of my favorite city... and it didn't go so well. I pretty much wrote it off. Yesterday I received the standard "thanks but no thanks" email from them... with a twist. The email said that while they didn't have space for me in the summer program, they would like to offer me a position in the fall or the spring. At first I laffed, loudly. Because how in the hell could i work in that city and live and go to school in DC. But, as I got to thinking about it, it is actually very possible. So do I do it? I mean this is what i've wanted right? As much time as possible in SF? But the fear and the insecurities are creeping in. Who do you think you are? You can't do that. You're not the type to just pick up and leave. What about the family? What about the godkids? I need to do some serious soul searching sooner rather than later.

My love of hip hop

So, I love music. Specifically I love hip hop. It's been a rough relationship because sometimes hip hop sucks. But there's a lot of good stuff out there and despite the fact that i've been hating a lot of music lately, every now and then i'll give something a chance and be pleasantly surprised.

This weekend was kinda like that. Little Brother came to XM to do a takeover show which was positively hilarious... and terribly embarrassing at the same time (you'll see). I had planned to go to the show in DC but of course i procrastinated and it sold out. The show in Baltimore was Sunday night and I kinda went back and forth before finally deciding to go. Good choice. I've always been a kinda on the fence with Little Brother. I never doubted the talent of Phonte and Pooh but I kinda wavered on their beats because I felt that the 9th Wonder sound was a bit repetitive... but that's irrelevant here.

This blog is about Evidence (of Dialated Peoples). I guess you could say that I'm a casual Dialated fan. Got a couple of cds but never really went out of my way to catch a show. I knew Evidence had a solo album. I even heard a few tracks from it that I thought were dope... but there is something about a live performance that can bring an album and an artist to life. I think that it's safe to say that I am a bonafide Evidence fan at this point. Check out "The Weatherman LP" if you get a chance and definitely don't sleep on the chance to see him in concert. His energy is amazing and his ability to connect with the crowd is unmatched. It seemed as if he was enjoying the performance as much as we were. I will definitely check out his show the next chance I get.

And so it begins

I have a new batch of stuff to start planning. Mainly how to quit my job and survive. That's pretty scary to me since I'm pretty bad at saving money. I have very little saved and that's going to be the key to making it. I think that the key is going to be putting the money where i can't get to it. I also need to move and reduce my expenses. The problem is that I don't konw if I'm going to be able to move. I'm fixing my credit by paying a bunch of stuff off and closing accounts, unfortunately that's making my credit tank temporarily. I tell myself that it'll pay off when i'm done but... still makes it hard to do other things.

At any rate, I'm all set to start this new hase in life. I'm nervous... very very nervous about the idea of being out west for 9 weeks pretty much on my own, but i know i can handle it. 2008 is gonna be one for the books.