Plodding Thru

The closer I get to leaving for San Fran the more stuff I realize that I have to do. Now granted most of this accumulation is the result of my procrastination but there are a lot of other things that I legitimately need to get done. B has been a tremendous help. He's cleaned damn near half the house and that keeps me sane.
I've handed in the last edit i'll have to do before we leave and i've just been focusing on job stuff. I'm in the process of trying to narrow down my list of firms that i'm applying to and trying to figure out something to do with my life. I got exactly zero interviews last year, i'm not trying to do that again. This year I'm doing a lot more research into firms that I might be interested in but i'm also looking at Government Agencies, Non-profit orgs and a bunch of other places that might be suitable. I'm cautiously excited about the possibility of actually getting an interview this year.
Lately I've found myself wondering how different my life would have been if I hadn't had to sit out of school. After my first year, I was denied financial aid. As a recently married person, I assumed, perhaps foolishly, that this man that had promised to love, cherish, etc would step up and offer solutions as to how "we" could afford to send me. I expected him to say something like "just get the federal loans and we'll work out the rest." All I got was, "well i don't think you're really putting in enough effort for me to put my money towards it." "My money" We were never on the same page when it came to money but that was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. That's when i realized that I had no support system when it came to him. I realized that he didn't see the marriage as a partnership and after some soul-searching I realized that we had never seen eye to eye on that. When I took a leave of absence from school I knew that it was only a matter of time before I would be getting divorced.
My mom mentioned to me recently that I don't talk much about my divorce and I kinda just shrugged. I told her i really didn't have much to say about the divorce or the marriage. I think my ex is a cool guy so I'm not gonna bad-mouth him. At the same time, I feel that at times the relationship was mentally abusive to a certain degree and that's not something that I want to relive. I've grown a LOT since 12/18/04, I just don't see the point of going back to that place right now.