Breakdowns and such

Yesterday was an incredibly up and down day and to be honest I'm still a little confused about what all exactly happened.

I've been feeling fairly blah lately because for the most part my bday weekend has and will be a bust. I take a decent amount of responsibility for that but it just seems like all my plans keep falling thru. It's no secret that I'm ultra sensitive and when you throw in the most important day to me of the year, it can turn ugly quickly.

The day started off decently. I went to work knowing i'd be able to bounce early. I wanted to hit up a happy hour but didn't really have anyone to go with. As I'm heading home, B calls and says he'll hit a happy hour with me... Yay. We head to the spot... good drinks good food then within about 40 minutes B says he's tired and wants to rest before going to work. So we head home and i'm like cool. I'll just take a nap cuz too cuz i'm supposed to get up with a friend that night. I wake up, get dressed and head out to pick up my friend. I get about 7 minutes out and i'm told "nah don't come now, run you other errand first." I'm kinda blown but just figured he wasn't done at work yet. Cool. Head in the complete opposite direction to pick up a package at UPS where i'm the 24th person in line. (sigh)

Sometime during my wait in line I get a message that's essentially like "I guess we're not hanging out tonight"... now... this message is from the same person who tells me i should go ahead and handle my other errand first. So i'm like "you tell me"... no response. Basically I got the extreme brush off move. I know because i've done it. It goes: stall, blame the other person, become unavailable. It seriously took about 2 hours for me to get a definite "no". So essentially I wasted my birthday friday waiting to get stood up. not cute. To add insult to injury, when I finally did get brushed off, the person made it clear that they weren't really interested in my friendship by hurling a totally unnecessary remark my way *blink* word? Cool. So now not only did i get stood up, I lost a friend. Awesome.

I headed home and just decided to do homework. In the midst of texting B to tell him that i had gotten the package from UPS I became (probably unjustifiably) upset at the fact that he seemed completely uninterested in the fact that my day was sucking and that convo disintegrated into an email fight. (sigh)

The saving grace for my friday was an e-convo with a friend of mine who's going thru some stuff right there. I was able to be there for him and lend a shoulder which felt nice. I didn't really get much sleep last night though... and around 6am things just really came to a head. I was angry, hurt about the loss of a friend, and just generally blah... so i cried... hard... and now at noon, my face looks like i cried hard (frown).

I'm hoping today will be better.