*Sigh*

Sometimes I just don't know... I don't want to be a fool. I also don't want to do anything foolish. Forgiveness can be seen as a sign of strength and a sign of foolishness. In past relationships I've followed my heart with disastrous results. It seems like I should put my heart on ice and listen to my brain for awhile... but I'm going with my heart again and hoping for the best. The thing about lies in a relationship is that it creates so much doubt. I can forgive damn near anything, but being lied to... that's just a no-go. But, I'm trying. I want to stay in this relationship. I just don't want to spend all my time second-guessing, looking for clues, and being generally paranoid. That's so 1994 and I'll never go back to that again.

But, part of being green is learning when to let your guard down a little. I've never felt like I do in this relationship and 90% of it is really healthy. I'm fortunate enough to have an extremely caring and supportive partner. Someone that I know loves me and that I know wants what's best for me... but nothing is ever perfect. I've been cheated on so many times that I just can't help but be afraid of the possibility of it happening again. I really want a relationship where my partner is my best friend. The only way to have that is to be completely open... and that's hard.

We're tryin though. Nothing worth having comes easily.